Forgiveness #4 – Your Forgiveness Score
Reading: Psalm 103: 1 – 12
Preacher: Rev Kevin Kim
Kevin will deliver his last sermon on the series of ‘forgiveness’. “The Bucket List” is a 2007 American buddy adventure comedy-drama film, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The main plot follows two terminally ill men on their road trip with a wish list of things to do before they “kick the bucket”. Two elderly men, blue-collar automotive mechanic Carter Chambers and billionaire Edward Cole meet for the first time in a hospital owned by Edward after both men are diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. While in the hospital, Carter and Edward manage to find common ground. After Carter dies during surgery, Edward manages to reconcile with his own daughter and she introduces him to the granddaughter he never knew he had. After greeting the little girl by kissing her cheek, Edward thoughtfully crosses “kiss the most beautiful girl in the world” off the bucket list. Soon after, Edward delivers a eulogy at Carter’s funeral, during which he explains that the last three months of Carter’s life were, thanks to Carter, the best three months of his own.
Like Edward and Carter, we often miss the opportunity to forgive and embrace our loved one and later regret our decisions. By checking ‘your forgiveness score’, you would be able to see how you can practice better the art of forgiving in God’s name in our daily life.
Click here to download PowerPoint Slide PDF
Sermon Text
Before I start my last message for this forgiveness series, I want to correct a few things from my sermon last Sunday. Some typos in my Powerpoint Slide.
E stands for Empathize, not emphasize.
So REACH model stands for …R E A C H
“The Bucket List” is a 2007 American buddy adventure comedy-drama film, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The main plot follows two terminally ill men on their road trip with a wish list of things to do before they “kick the bucket”. Two elderly men, blue-collar automotive mechanic Carter Chambers and billionaire Edward Cole meet for the first time in a hospital owned by Edward after both men are diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. While in the hospital, Carter and Edward manage to find common ground. After Carter dies during surgery, Edward manages to reconcile with his own daughter and she introduces him to the granddaughter he never knew he had. After greeting the little girl by kissing her cheek, Edward thoughtfully crosses “kiss the most beautiful girl in the world” off the bucket list. Soon after, Edward delivers a eulogy at Carter’s funeral, during which he explains that the last three months of Carter’s life were, thanks to Carter, the best three months of his own. Let’s watch this video for a while.
We don’t have enough time to love one another. We should not wait until tomorrow and next week to forgive someone and reconcile with them. Jesus’s concept of forgiveness is relational. For most of us, this requires a radical change in the way we think.
Forgiveness is a decision, not a process. When we view forgiveness as a process, we link it to the offense we place ourselves in the position of having to rank offenses, which requires our focus to remain on the offense. However when view forgiveness as a decision, we move the focus off the offense, and it loses its power over us.
For over 80 years, Harvard’s Grant and Glueck study has tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations: S 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939 to 2014 (the Grant Study), and 268 male graduates from Harvard’s classes of 1939-1944 (the Glueck study).
Due to the length of the research period, this has required multiple generations of researchers. Since before WWII, they’ve diligently analyzed blood samples, conducted brain scans (once they became available), and pored over self-reported surveys, as well as actual interactions with these men, to compile the findings.
The conclusion? According to Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one thing surpasses all the rest in terms of importance:
“The clearest message that we get from this 80-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.”
Not how much money is in your bank account. Not how many conferences you spoke at–or keynoted. Not how many blog posts you wrote or how many followers you had or how many tech companies you worked for.
No, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love.
Specifically, the study demonstrates that having someone to rely on helps your nervous system relax, helps your brain stay healthier for longer, and reduces both emotional as well as physical pain.
The data is also very clear that those who feel lonely are more likely to see their physical health decline earlier and die younger.
“It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship,” says Waldinger. “It’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.”
What that means is this: It doesn’t matter whether you have a huge group of friends and go out every weekend or if you’re in a “perfect” romantic relationship (as if those exist). It’s the quality of the relationships–how much vulnerability and depth exists within them; how safe you feel sharing with one another; the extent to which you can relax and be seen for who you truly are, and truly see another.
According to George Vaillant, the Harvard psychiatrist who directed the study from 1972 to 2004, there are two foundational elements to this: “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”
Thus, if you’ve found love (in the form of a relationship, let’s say) but you undergo a trauma like losing a job, losing a parent, or losing a child, and you don’t deal with that trauma, you could end up “coping” in a way that pushes love away.
Because the data is clear that, in the end, you could have all the money you’ve ever wanted, a successful career, and be in good physical health, but without loving relationships, you won’t be happy.
“Relationships are messy and they’re complicated,” acknowledges Waldinger. But he’s adamant in his research-backed assessment: “The good life is built with good relationships.”
Psalmist says that our God forgives all our sins and compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. We should be like our God and that is how we make a good relationship with one another. Checking your forgiveness score will help you how you could manage a good relationship.