Caring for Ourselves (finding rest for our souls)
Preacher: Rev Phil Swain
Readings: Mark 6:30-34 & Matthew 11:28-30
We believe in a caring, compassionate God who calls us to show care and compassion to each other and all of creation … but we sometimes struggle when it comes to caring for ourselves. It seems that in this modern lives, our work, family and relationships demand a lot from us and we want to be people who give and make a difference, but sometimes that means that our “inner well” becomes drained. In the last of our three sermons on Caring we are exploring how Jesus encourages us to care for ourselves – to take the time and space needed to find rest for our souls – so that we can continue to be caring and compassionate people to others. A timely and engaging topic which is encased by worship – all designed to refill your inner well.
This is the last week of our Caring sermon series. We have affirmed that we believe in a caring, compassionate God who calls us to show care and compassion to each other and all of creation.
I am so grateful that I have people around me that care for me and so me that concern and support. For example, there is a person in this congregation who checks in with me regularly to ask how my fatigue levels are going. He worries that I run myself down too much, so he holds me accountable by asking me to rank myself from 0 … feeling refreshed and totally on top of things to 10 … totally exhausted, burnout and ready to collapse.
What about you? How would you rate your fatigue levels at the moment? How are you going?
It seems that in this modern lives, our work, family and relationships demand a lot from us and while we want to be people who care, who give of ourselves and make a difference in our community, sometimes that means that our “inner well” becomes drained.
Over the past month I have heard comments like…
- I’m ok, I’m tired but aren’t we all
- I don’t feel like I have had a break for ages
- I am too busy at the moment to worry about fatigue
- I feel exhausted all the time
How do we care for others if we are exhausted all the time.
I can’t be too critical because I am the same. If I do some self-reflection – this has not been a good week for me. I’m doing a lot at the moment which means that I am feeling tired a lot.
I also seem to be worrying a lot over the past month … worrying about the church and worrying about what needs to be done or planned for before I go on holidays. And then this tiredness and worry has stirred up some frustration in me – which is draining. And then on top of all that, it was the anniversary of my sisters death this week … which I think I was ok with, but I think it added to everything going on.
So, as I was writing this sermon, if I am being honest … yes I am tired, and drained, and my inner well feels pretty low.
During the second COVID lockdown, I connected with a psychologist from the organisation “The Kindness Pandemic” and interviewed her for church one week. Do you remember that online service with Rose Glassock?
She shared some excellent resources, and one of them was a scale of how we were going … from excelling to in crisis.
What she was trying to show is that our ability to cope with things, our enjoyment of life … or simply how we are going … is not an either/or … either going great or in crisis … but rather we move up and down a scale. And part of what self-care is about is recognising where you are on this scale and trying to do some things that might move you a little more the left. You might be thinking … I am just surviving at the moment. Rose would encourage you, what could you do to move yourself to … “Doing ok”
This is a great point to hold onto as we turn to our first bible reading from the gospel of Mark. Jesus and his disciples have gathered, and we read in Mark 6:31 that because of everything that was happening and that so many people were coming and going that “they did not even have a chance to eat”.
Who has been so busy this week that you have not eaten lunch one day? (More than one day?) Jesus notices what is going on and says to his disciples… “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Some context … just before this in Mark’s gospel Jesus had sent out the 12 to do mission in the surrounding towns. They had just returned from this work. At the same time Jesus got news that John the Baptist had been killed. Are you getting this? The disciples were exhausted from their work and Jesus was grieving. (Not unlike my week) and it was into this moment that Jesus said, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
We often undervalue just how important rest is. The Biblical principle of Sabbath – of taking a day of rest once a week – is because physical rest is good for our soul.
Early on in my ministry I was chatting with a psychologist who said, “If you wish to help your congregation to have better mental health, ask these three questions:
- How are you sleeping?
- How is your diet?
- Are you getting some exercise?
Those three things impact mental health more than any other!”
So … if you are feeling tired, or run down, or drained, or struggling … how are you caring for yourself?
- Are you taking some time and space to rest?
- How is your diet?
- Are you getting some exercise?
While these three things are critical … selfcare is more than just rest, good diet and exercise. Another gem of wisdom from Rose Glassock. She said that we are all different people and therefore it make sense that the type of selfcare that works best for us will be different.
She used this slide and asked us to consider what types of self care do we find helpful. Physical care – like going for a walk? Emotional care like journalling or therapy? Social care like meeting with friends? Spiritual care like prayer or mediation? Personal care like doing something creative? Or is it care by addressing what is weighing you down by maybe cleaning up your home or paying the bills or setting some boundaries at work? What is selfcare to you?
Whatever it is … Jesus is right. If we are exhausted, if we are feeling overwhelmed or need space … Jesus says, “get some rest.” Or as in the Matthew 11 reading, Jesus says …
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Are we hearing this?
But wait … there is a complication. Back to the Mark reading.
Jesus says to his disciples “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they get into a boat and go to a solitary place to rest … but what happens when they get there?
The people ran ahead to where they were going and v34 we read … When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd … and instead of rest, Jesus went on to teach them many things and called upon the disciples to feed massive crowd.
THIS IS THE PROBLEM!
Jesus and the disciples are exhausted, grieving, desperately needing some rest … BUT they are good, kind, compassionate people and the call to care was greater than their need for rest.
This is the problem. Our heart goes out to the people who need help. We place the care of them above our need for self care … and I am not sure if that is a bad thing.
For example – This week, in the midst of everything going on and the draining, tired place I was in … a local funeral director gave my number of a local family who needed a minister for a funeral. The funeral director told a family … “ring Phil, he will look after you.” And … of course I did. The family were beautiful and needed care and compassion so of course I responded. Of course I did. And I get why Jesus and the disciples – all who desperately needed rest – jumped in to help in our reading.
So, what is the best wisdom of how to best handle this? How do we hold this tension between
- We need to come to Jesus and get some rest; AND
- There is a world of people that need care and compassion.
For the past two weeks we have been challenged to respond to the call to care – to care for creation and to care for each other. I don’t think we get a choice whether to opt out or not. We are called to care. But how do we care when our inner well is empty? How do we care when we are exhausted. How do we hold together this tension between the call to care and the need to self care?
I am not the right person to ask. Or maybe I am because I struggle with this so much.
Many of you know already, Marion and I are taking some holidays in three weeks’ time to travel. This is part of the response to refill my inner well – and yet it is this holiday that stirs up the worry about leaving the church for 6 weeks.
I don’t do the tension well between caring for others and caring for myself … but maybe I can share three pieces of advice given to me which I have found helpful.
The first has been told to me numerous times – the latest by my GP…
- We can’t care for others if we don’t care for ourselves.
If we don’t have anything in our inner well then we can’t draw from it to care for others. (My GP is blunter … if I become unwell then I can’t care for others).
Jesus in the great commandment talks about how we are to love others as we love ourselves. Maybe we can understand that as we can only love one another if we are first loving and caring for ourselves.
- It is not all dependent on you.
We are not the only ones called to care … if we can’t do it, there are others who will/could/might/hopefully step up. This doesn’t mean we can opt out all together, but it does mean that we don’t have to carry the burden of caring all by ourselves. Galatians 6:2 encourages us help bear each others burdens. The good news bible has this great picture of this…
- The image of the inner well
Probably the most helpful thing that I have found to help me balance this tension between caring for others and caring for myself is the image of the inner well which I have already referred to many times in this sermon.
In the simplest of terms … If your well is empty, then you can’t give from it. If your inner well is running low … go to Jesus and allow Jesus to refresh your soul.
Jesus says to each one of us “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Shall we do that right now.
Amen.